These days, the in thing is not to give parties but to cancel parties, because of the tragic situation in the country, etc. Society hostesses are falling over one another to cancel their parties and put announcements of the cancellations in the newspapers, etc.

So, the wife was telling me yesterday: “We should cancel our party also. It does not seem right that we should be enjoying when there is so much trouble everywhere.”

I said: “What are you talking about! We are not giving any party, so where is the question of cancelling it.”

“That is not the point,” the wife said. “Everybody is cancelling his party, so we have to cancel ours.”

“I repeat: cancel what!” I said. “If we were having a party, we could cancel it. In fact, I am all for cancelling parties, it is very unseemly to eat and drink and enjoy at a time like this. But we are not having any party.”

“Then we should have had one,” the wife said. “It is not my fault that you go about attending everybody else’s party, but when it comes to hosting your own, you start counting your money, and how many bottles of Indian-made-foreign-liquor your guests will finish. I am not going to not cancel my party because you have been too cheap to not host one.”

“You make no sense to me,” I said. “You cannot cancel something that is not there, that is simple logic.”

“Others are cancelling their parties, why can’t I!” the wife said. “How do you think I feel when people ring me up and tell me they are cancelling their parties, and I cannot tell them I am doing the same.”

“I think you are making too much out of this cancellation business,” I said. “It is nothing great. Indian Airlines cancels its flights all the time.”

“If it is not so great, people would not be printing special cards, with black borders, expressing regrets over their cancellations,” the wife said. “Some of the cards are so classy. Get some printed for us today.”

“But what will we do with the cards,” I said. “We cannot possibly send them to people who have not been invited to a party in the first place. The cards will cause a lot of confusion in our friends’ circle.”

“No confusion will be created,” the wife said. “Others have been sending cancellation cards and there is no confusion, why should our cards only create confusion. In any case, we shall also announce the cancellation of our party in the newspapers, so there is absolutely no confusion.”

“Do you know how much newspapers charge to carry these cancellation advertisements!” I said. “You obviously do not know, otherwise you would not propose such a thing.”

“First you do not want to give a party because it costs too much, then you do not want to cancel it because it costs too much. I really do not know what you want,” the wife said.

— Busybee
December 20, 1992.
www.busybeeforever.com

This column first appeared in the Afternoon Despatch & Courier, the newspaper founded by Farzana and Behram Contractor in 1985.